**NB, for those not in the UK - 'the dole' is the welfare system for those out of work and Primark is a chain of cheap clothing stores. 'shrapnel' is a slang term for coins**
I hit the street
a handful of shrapnel
in a old leather wallet
tucked inside the pocket
of a second hand jacket.
Today the rain feels colder,
my bones heavier, the lines on my face deeper;
and as the metalic sky starts to pour
flushing hope down the drain
I stop to sign on the dole, again.
Inside officers guard the office
in case poverty frustrations boil over;
a thinning man in cheap red jumper
sits in a booth, head hung
to hide the tears he dries,
as if the rug of self-esteem
was pulled beneath him when
a man the same age as his son
ended his career with a faked smile
and an attempt at empathy.
I know this man,
from my midnight fears
when the ghost of sleep haunts
me from the end of my bed.
I take instruction from logoed suit
and step inside the drizzle.
50 yards down the road,
outside the law courts,
jobseekers in their newest hoodies
and Primark slacks blow smoke
into the air like chimney stacks,
but no one notices the irony
and it’s too depressing
for me to point out or write
in an email to the town's planners
sat in their ivory towers
sipping at cups of instant coffee.
I stop for a brew,
sit in window seat, watch the world
walking by: the umbrellas, prams and wool coats
of shoppers and office workers.
Suddenly I realise all this movement
is about money - make, covet, spend -
as if the paper chase will buy back a smile.
I want to tell them they are free
to those who know where to look,
I knew a place once, but know if they ask
I wouldn’t remember the way
because the map was lost
in the modern day divorce,
the only souvenir from two years
was the one stolen from a Marrakech hotel
the last morning of our first holiday togther
when rain flooded our bedroom.
This makes me think of you,
but I kill the memories,
because these streets are no a place
to build emotional sandcastles,
'cus no one would care
If they kicked them over.
My recital of this poem: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1W-C2NpFQHY&feature=youtu.be
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